


How to Draw a Toon

by annamator



Category: Animaniacs, Disney - All Media Types, Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies, Tiny Toon Adventures, Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Mystery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2020-12-01 22:21:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20917142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annamator/pseuds/annamator
Summary: During a mid-life crisis (of sorts), Bugs decides to take in some Toons and create the one and only Acme Looniversity. Curiosity has struck him in the worst ways... He might be a little in over his head.





	1. Chapter 1

Somewhere in Toon Town, a rabbit sat uncomfortably in the only library in town. He was pouring over autobiographies of other Toons. Each chapter of every book began the same: humble beginnings with a chance of stardom. Most were poor, some were sheltered… every single one was literally drawn into their lives. Their family, their class, their religion, their politics; it seemed to be all predetermined. Whether it was intentional from the creator, or heavily influenced, he still wasn’t sure. 

“Bugs?” A small voice spoke.

Bugs Bunny jolted, placing his hands over the piles of books he collected on instinct. He quickly regained his posture and settled his eyes on a soft-colored and familiar face. “Belle?” He asked, shocked.

Belle was hovering over him slightly with a few books in hand. “It is you… Did you need any help, Bugs?” She asked politely. 

“Oh ehh… nah.” Bugs said, trying to keep some of the books from her view. “I’m all good here. Say ehhh… shouldn’t you be at like…. Disneyland or somethin’?” he asked.

At that, Belle laughed slightly. “Oh Bugs… just because I’m a Disney princess doesn’t mean they keep us all holed up in their theme parks. Plus, with all of the royalty checks, I don’t really need a job. I volunteer here.”

“Ah. I see. I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Not at all…” Belle said, then looked curiously at Bugs’ pile of books. “It looks like you’re about to check out the entirety of the Autobiography section.” She chuckled.

“Ahaha… just about.” Bugs said, suddenly feeling slightly nervous about her nosiness.

“All of them are Toons, too…” 

Just then, Bugs had an idea. “Ah!” He exclaimed before he stood up and gently turned her away from his pile of books, “Actually, I’ve been watchin’ some kids recently and wouldn’t ya know it, I can hardly put ‘em to bed. If you could find me the very best fairy-tale book you can think of, I would be foreva in your debt.” 

“Uh, sure.” Belle said with a weary tone. 

Bugs didn’t like the sound of her voice. Once he believed Belle was out of earshot, he scrambled to gather his haphazard notes and supplies. “I gotta get outta here.” He said from under his strained breath. 

When Bugs placed things away, he turned tail to find the closest exit. The rabbit managed to slip through a back door completely unnoticed. He found his car and sped off in a hurry. This kind of prodding had consequences. He had heard rumors of Toons going missing over stuff like this. Luckily, Bugs was smarter than that. 

In truth, Bugs trusted no Toon nor Human with the kind of information he was gathering. It was starting to weigh on his conscience, and even take a blow to his general health. Typically, when a Toon became stressed it visibly showed. Bugs was no exception.

Which was why an hour later, with no one else to turn to, Steven Spielberg took a look at Bugs and simply said, “God you’re a mess.” He commented once he approached the Toon rabbit.

“Thanks, Doc.” Bugs said with a slight roll to his eyes. “You looked in the mirror lately, yourself?” He japed, commenting on the distracting and ugly anti-paparazzi gear Steven had on.

Deciding to ignore the comment, “Please tell me it’s not…” Steven asked, as he brought his shades onto the brim of his baseball hat.

“It’s _not_ the kids. I can take care of ‘em jus’ fine.” Bugs shot Steven down immediately. 

They walked down the sunny L.A. street, headed towards Griffith Park. They were both well aware it was close to the entrance to Toon Town. Still, the park itself was the only place that provided Bugs with any comfort. 

“So… what did you bring me out here for?” Steven asked. 

It took every ounce of energy Bugs had not to just start spouting out every tiny piece of information he had been gathering for the past six months. Instead, he took a breath and exhaled softly. “I’m over eighty years-old, mac. I’ve been repainted a dozen times and there’s no end in sight.”

Immediately, Steven knew exactly what Bugs was dealing with. It was obviously some kind of mid-life crisis, but a Toon equivalent. “Go on…” He prompted.

“So a few months ago, I got ta thinkin’… What else am I gonna do with my life? I can’t be slingin’ dynamite foreva. I already toured the world when I was younger… but I never learned anything!” Bugs cried out, “Sure the occasional script had some kind of historical tidbit, or a line from another language, but I still felt… uneducated.” 

Steven was already connecting certain dots in his head, leading up to what Bugs wanted to say. Because of it, a small smile was beginning to inch onto his face. However, he continued to let the Toon speak.

“Then I realized… what if it ain’t just me? And as it turns out–” 

“Eighty-seven percent of Toons are uneducated.” Steven finished and the smile vanished, ”And the number keeps growing every year. There isn’t a single school in Toon Town. If Toons want an education, they acquire it themselves or through scholarships the studios award.”

Bugs and Steven stopped and looked at one another. “I came to you nearly a _decade ago_… “ Steven started, feeling slightly irritated at Bugs.

Immediately Bugs cringed, “I know, _I know!_” he shouted, starting to move away from him. While he wanted to tell Steven more about his findings about Toon education, he decided to keep his mouth shut. Paranoia struck him again.

Still, Steven gave a small chase. “I asked repeatedly if you wanted to make Acme Loo into a real school, and you said there was no need. I gave you my pitch all those years ago, now give me yours.” He said in a harsh tone.

Bugs tugged on his ears before looking at Steven in the eyes again. “People love me, Toons idolize me… but for what? Bein’ the lucky one? Always comin’ out on top? What good is that when you can’t protect the ones you care about? I just… I want to give somethin’ back’.” 

After hearing that, Steven was more than pleased. He gave a nod to Bugs, “Alright, I’ll help you. We’ll make Acme Loo.” 

“Thanks, Doc.” There was still so much on Bugs’ mind, but he tucked it away for later. Right now, he allowed himself to relax and feel good about these life-changing decisions. 

A year passes, and somewhere along the coast of Central America there was a lowly island on the horizon. With a closer look, anyone could see the stark-white mansion that stood nearly three stories tall.

Even as a young Toon, Daffy Duck had pictured his retirement from his acting career very vividly. He dreamed about being alone on a private island, with an enormous mansion and every luxury he could possibly think of. And wouldn’t you know it, after nearly a decade of work, few movies and a couple of reboots, Daffy had that private island. Staying there continued to be a blessing for many, many years. With the royalty checks and occasional paychecks from public appearances rolling in, he was able to upkeep the mansion very well. 

Daffy’s desire for attention was somewhat satiated by social media. He had a big presence online and made sure everyone knew it. From when he woke up to when he was preparing for bed, he would cross post about every detail onto every feed. People ate it up, as they were fascinated by his lifestyle. While he wasn’t the richest duck in the world, he was certainly one of the most popular. At least, he was in his mind. 

As Daffy was tweeting about his incredible breakfast one morning, he noticed one of his butlers carrying in some mail. “What’s the big idea? Checks go straight to my financial adviser, and fan mail without any valuables inside are shredded! You all know the deal!” Daffy barked. To his knowledge, he hadn’t been expecting anything either. Still, the butler came to his side and silently handed him a letter. 

Before he could protest further, the Butler turned away. Daffy simply huffed to himself and opened the letter. He took his time to read it, just to make sure he was reading it correctly. Once he had finished he slammed the letter onto the counter top, and ran up the stairs towards his room in seconds flat. 

He pressed his help buzzer multiple times and shouted into the speaker, “I need to pack, now! Book me a flight to L.A.! Let’s go people!”

It was time to move back to Los Angeles. 

The next day, Bugs Bunny got out of his Oober (Toon Town’s Uber equivalent), adjusting his suit as he looked on towards his greatest accomplishment. A stairway from the curb stood Acme Looniversity. Despite seeing the building many times over the course of its production, Bugs still couldn’t help but feel his chest swell with pride at the sight of the finished school. 

And there, in front of the entrance, he saw a huge crowd gather. This wasn’t even taking into account for all of the cameras and people lined up along the sidewalk. Not even the Toons who were celebrating in the streets. The crowd split like a wave as Bugs approached the doorway of the school, finding it partially blocked by a stage with a ceremonial ribbon. Bugs could tell it was painted because of how large and neat the bow in the middle of it looked. 

As he approached he saw the only human at the event (besides a few brave reporters) Steven Spielberg, sitting beside the podium on stage next to three empty seats. Bugs’ felt slightly saddened by the sight of the empty chairs, still Bugs shared a smile with Steven before he approached the podium. A deafening silence went over the crowd, with all eyes on the Toon rabbit.

“My fellow Toons,” Bugs began, “For too long, we’ve been deprived of our own education. More than 87% of Toons have never stepped foot in a school that wasn’t a painted set. After learnin’ that, we decided that wasn’t fair.”

The crowd cheered and clapped for Bugs. Over the crowd he continued, “Our newcomers should know our history! They should know our culture!” He paused slightly to wait for the crowd’s enthusiasm to die down, “And they should know their limits.” 

Bugs felt his stomach twist, “Too many Toons have been lost simply because they didn’t know how to survive their next fall durin’ a stunt. We owe it to them to inform newcomers of the risks. No one on Earth can do what we do, and we need to learn to do it right.” 

Gesturing to the building behind him, “Now, thanks to Warner Brothers studios and Steven Spielberg, Acme Looniversity ain’t just a fantasy we all saw on TV all those years ago. It’s here for everyone!” 

The crowd once again burst into applause and cheers. Bugs looked out into the crowd, noticing a slight disturbance that was making its way to the stage. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when Daffy Duck emerged from the crowd and began to crawl his way onto the stage, rather than using the stairs on the side.

Immediately, Daffy wormed his way in front of Bugs in order to speak into the microphone. “Helloooo, Toon Town!!” He shouted. The only sound he was met with was the sound of crickets. “As the Master of Deception, I just wanted to say what an_ honor_ it is to have been recruited by my longtime co-Star, Bugs, to teach at this wonderful place of edumication.” 

Bugs saw the shifty eyes from the crowd when Daffy had mentioned his unofficial title. “Eeeh… We’re still workin’ on the curriculum.” He said, addressing the crowd. Then he turned to Daffy, knowing exactly how to derail him from hogging the spotlight. “Hey Daff, ol’ pal, wouldja wanna join me in the honors of cuttin’ the ribbon?” 

Daffy’s head whirled around as he gave out a gasp, “Really? You’d let me cut the ribbon?” He asked. 

“Togetha, yeah. It feels only right.” Bugs said, just to butter him up even more. 

The two of them were approached by a Toon who held out comically huge a pair of golden scissors. They took the scissors, holding them open above the ribbon for a little longer so photos could be taken. After a minute, they looked at each other and cut the ceremonial ribbon. Daffy and Bugs posed briefly with the scissors that were nearly the same height as them. 

Once they were done posing, Daffy turned to look for the first camera he could find. For Bugs, he turned to Steven and gave him his hand. “Thank you… So much. For everything.” 

Steven shook his hand, “Anytime, Bugs. I have a lot of faith in you.” Then he gave a slight nod towards Daffy, “You sure about hiring Daffy, though?” He asked. 

Bugs looked over and watched as Daffy chatted up the remaining reporters. “If there’s anything I’ve learned in the years we’ve worked together, it’s that I know how he ticks.” 

“Well, it’s your call. It is your school, after all.” Steven said with a shrug. 

“I’m gonna go check on ‘im. I’ll be seein’ ya, Steven.” Bugs said before slipping away. 

Bugs hovered over Daffy’s shoulder while he spoke to a reporter. “And that’s when I told my buddy Bugs, the only way we’re going to reach today’s Toon youth is through education! And what better teachers than the oldest Toons out there?” He said. 

When he heard that, Bugs rolled his eyes. Of course Daffy would lie and make this his idea. Bugs decided to butt in. “We’re opening our gates to humans, as well.” He told them. 

At that, more reporters surrounded them. A chorus of questions were being launched at Daffy and Bugs. While Daffy shied away, Bugs lifted his hands to quiet the small crowd. “I wanna stress this; Acme Loo is gonna be the only school to focus on the importance of learning about Toons. As citizens and as a species. So we ain’t gonna turn away humans who wanna learn more about us.” Bugs said. 

A reporter’s voice spoke up, “Who else do you have in place as teachers? Any word about Mickey Mouse?” they asked.

“That hack—?” Daffy said before Bugs pinched his beak. 

“Mickey sent us his best wishes, but regrettably makes no plans of joinin’ the staff.” Bugs said with a shrug.

Daffy rolled his eyes when he felt Bugs let go of his beak. 

“As for the rest of the staff, we’re still lookin’. So if any Toon wants to come forward and apply, they’re free to do so on our website.”

“When does class begin? And what’s the class size going to look like?” The same reporter asked.

“We’re startin’ in the next coupla months, just in time for the school year. Dependin’ on how many teachers we get, we’re gonna be expecting anywhere between 500 to 900. Applications for students will also be online.”

“900?!” Daffy exclaimed. Just how was he going to teach to a class of 900? 

Bugs sighed a little, knowing Daffy had misinterpreted his information. He turned to talk to him, “900 altogetha, Daff. We’re lookin’ at a class of 40 for each homeroom.” 

“Oh.” Daffy said softly. 

Then Bugs turned to the cameras, “No more questions now. Thank you!” He said and waved them away. 

Disappointed, Daffy watched the reporters shuffle along and pack away their equipment. He had truly missed being in the limelight. Then a tap on his shoulder brought him out of his daydream-like state. “Huh?” He asked as he turned towards Bugs again.

“Ehh… Daff?”

“Yeah?” 

Bugs sat there like he was fighting to say something. “I’ll uh… I’ll see you later. We’ll have to look over that curriculum of yours, before school starts.” He finally said.

“…Yeah sure.” Daffy said. After looking at Bugs more he noticed something was off, “You should get yourself a new paint job. You look awful.” 

Bugs deflated angrily at the comment before rolling his eyes and turning away. He knew that, in Daffy’s twisted way, that he was concerned for his health. So he let the comment slide off of his back. The truth was, Bugs had never let go of his Toon research; and the paranoia had set in so much that it was starting to alter his appearance. He hoped that the success of Acme Loo would be both a distraction and a resource at his own disposal. 

Later, after numerous phone calls and even a couple of live interviews, Bugs managed to find his way home. He paid and tipped his Oober as much as he was allotted, due to the fact that they had to travel out of Toon Town during rush hour. As Bugs approached the steps of his white porch, he loosened his bow tie and unlocked the door. 

Bugs threw his keys on a stand next to the door, just before closing and locking it behind himself. Just as he was about to call out for someone, his long ears perked at the sound of rattling glass and plastic coming from the kitchen. Immediately, Bugs’ eyes darted towards a lowly baseball bat sitting in his umbrella holder in the foyer. 

Quickly and quietly, Bugs’ removed his black blazer and rolled up his dress shirt sleeves. All the while his mind was racing: Where had he slipped up? Who was onto him? What kind of force would be pitted against him? All these questions burned inside him while he picked up the bat and held it tight and high. With as much stealth as possible, he rounded the kitchen corner. As he suspected, the figure hidden partially inside of his fridge wasn’t any of the kids. 

The fridge began to close and the figure swerved around to meet Bugs. Several plastic containers dropped to the kitchen floor as they exclaimed, “Bugs?!”

Bugs brought down the bat, stopping it only inches away from Daffy’s beak. “Daffy?!” He exclaimed. 

“What the _hell_, Bugs? Is that any way to welcome an old friend into your household?” Daffy barked while pushing the bat away from his face. 

Only a few seconds later, Bugs and Daffy heard a stampede of footsteps coming from upstairs. Settling on the staircase, three Toons looked down on Bugs and Daffy. “Well what’d ya know, the old Duck has decided to grace us with his presence.” The tallest smiled. 

“Daffy, darling!! We had no idea you were in town.” The smallest chimed with an obnoxious accent of some kind.

“Really? I mean, he tweeted out his entire trip…” The middle one said in a thick Liverpool accent. 

Daffy looked on in surprise and awe. “The Warners?! What are you three hooligans doing here?” He asked with a wide smile. 

Bugs put down the bat, leaning it against the staircase, and turned towards Daffy. “They’re stayin’ with me.” He said simply. 

Sure enough, the three siblings of undetermined origins ran down the steps and gave Daffy a group hug. “You three look a little different than I remember…” he said, looking over Yakko, Wakko and Dot. 

Yakko peeled away first, “Haven’t ya heard? We got a reboot comin’ in! Two whole seasons, so far.” 

“You don’t say? An’ they gave you a repaint jus’ for that? Your designs were fine before.” Daffy said, a little confused. 

“It’s standard now. Nothin’ we could really do about it.” Wakko said as he pulled away with a slight shrug.

Dot continued to cling to Daffy, looking up at him with her glossy black eyes. “You don’t think we look ugly, do you?” She asked, her lips trembling. 

“Ugly?! Nonsense!!” Daffy exclaimed, picking up Dot into his arms and holding her tight. “You three are the sharpest lookin’ Toons I know. Anyone who says otherwise is blind.” 

Bugs looked curiously at the way Daffy was interacting with the three. He didn’t remember them being particularly close, but he assumed that was simply the effect the three had on adults and Toons alike. Still, he was certainly enjoying seeing this other side of Daffy. 

“Alright, you three.” Bugs finally interrupted, “How’s about givin’ Daff and I some space?” He asked. 

“Yeah yeah…” Yakko said before turning back up the stairs. 

“See ya later, Daffy!” Wakko waved and followed the oldest. 

“Always nice to see you, Daff.” Dot said when Daffy put her down so she could follow her siblings. 

Once the three were out of sight Daffy turned to Bugs, “Now, I know it might not be the most convenient thing for you at this time…” He explained, “But I’m certainly not the richest Duck in the world. I had to sell all _eight_ of my estates to get that private island.” 

Bugs move towards the kitchen and began to clean up Daffy’s initial mess. He already knew what Daffy was about to ask, and he already knew his answer. Still, he let his friend speak. 

“Each estate had to go, including the _two_ I had in L.A.! Honestly, the price for rent in this forsaken city is so damn high, I really don’t know how you do it!”

“You can stay.” 

Daffy gasped and looked deeply offended, “You would throw out your own flesh and blood onto the street? I thought I knew you better, Bugs Bunny!” 

“Ehh… we ain’t related, but you can still stay wit us.” He tried again. 

Daffy started to walk towards the door with a dramatic flair, “Fine! I know when I’m not wanted—” He stopped as soon as he draped himself on the corner of the closest wall, “Wait… what? You’ll let me stay?” He asked, bewildered. 

“Of course I will, Daff. We’ll be able to look over your curriculum togetha, you’ll be able to do some shoppin’ for the house, maybe a few chores and you’ll be able to watch the kids…” Bugs said, closing the fridge door to get a better look at Daffy.

At that, Daffy looked even more surprised. “Watch those kids? Chores? _Me?_” He asked.

“Well yeah! What? You’d think I’d let you stay out of the goodness of my heart?” Bugs asked, leaning on the island counter.

“Well… Yeah!” Daffy exclaimed, manhandling the other side of the counter. Here he thought he could take advantage of Bugs’ feelings of existentialism and sudden generosity to fully weasel his way into staying with Bugs with zero obligations. But apparently this rabbit had other plans for him.

Bugs simply laughed in Daffy’s face. “Ahaha, oh that’s rich, Duck.” he laughed. Then there was a slight pause, “When are you gonna realize, we ain’t so different? You and I…”

Daffy and Bugs sat in silence for a little bit. Something about Bugs’ smug look made Daffy’s face feel warmer than usual underneath his feathers. He shook his head wildly. “Nope. I don’t see it.”

At that, Bugs simply rolled his eyes. “We can split chores in the mornin’… right now I just want to hit da hay.” He said, peeling himself off of the counter and moving to unbutton his dress shirt.

While Bugs navigated past the living room, Daffy gave a slight chase. “Wait, wait. I just gotta know one more thing,” then a slight pause, “okay a couple of things.” 

A small sigh came from Bugs, then he decided to plop down onto the living room sofa. “Alright. A coupla questions.” He said, putting his feet up.

Daffy sat in a recliner adjacent to Bugs. “How’d you end up with the Warners?” He asked, his voice a little hushed in case they were being heard. 

“…I was visiting the new set last year.” Bugs began to explain, “Steven told me that he was concerned about rumors that the Warners were livin’ in their trailer. No one was allowed to go near it. They even wrote up a contract about it, saying they’d leave the show if anyone on staff visited it. Because I wasn’t in the show, I could see the trailer for myself.” 

The memory was still vivid in Bugs’ mind. A little more than a year ago, Bugs shared a weary glance with Steven before he slipped off the set. With the Warners busy in a scene, Bugs was able to make it to the trailer. And with a copy of the trailer key given to him by Steven, he pried it open. 

The mess the three had accumulated was even taller than Bugs’ ears. He honestly didn’t know how anyone could navigate the trailer, let alone three Toons. Even as he was inside, he made an attempt to clean what he could. Still, it was a horrible mess. 

After doing what he could, Bugs waited outside the trailer until the Warners began to approach it. Yakko was the first to catch eyes with Bugs, before rolling them. “God damn it…” Yakko groaned, seeing the look of disapproval spread across the rabbit’s face. 

“Y’all really live in dere?” Bugs asked.

It was Wakko’s turn to be angry, “Yeah! What’s it to ya?” he barked.

“Guys, I’m jus’ concerned. A lot of the staff are concerned. Steven was even worried!” Bugs exclaimed, watching them weave around him and head into the trailer.

“Yeah? Well we don’t need your pity.” Dot snapped.

Bugs stopped the door from being slammed in his face with full force. The trailer door swung open and Bugs stepped inside once more. “Fine then. Lemme give you a place to stay. Eva since you were created, I’ve always told you guys you were welcome at my house!” He said. 

“We’ve been fine on our own, Bugs. Didn’t need your help then, don’t need it now.” Yakko said. “Any day now, the show will air, we’ll get another wave of royalty checks and we’ll be livin’ it up in a mansion down the street from yours.” 

“Those checks will only stretch so far. You already know this.” Bugs warned. 

“Blah blah blah I learned my lesson. Like I said, I don’t need to stay at yours. I’m comfortable here.” To make his point, Yakko cleared off some space on the couch (which also acted as their bed) in the trailer and found his ideal position. 

Immediately Bugs read this type of prideful attitude. He also knew where Yakko’s weak points were. “If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for your siblings.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Bugs saw Dot and Wakko perk up and look over at Yakko silently. Yakko sat up from the couch slowly and looked at Bugs with a hardened expression. “You’ve got a whole lotta nerve, rabbit.”

“And you’ve got a whole lotta attitude, kid.” Bugs snapped back. 

And with that, Bugs took them in. Presently, he looked at Daffy across the way and gave a slight shrug. “I’ve always seen a lot of myself in Yakko. Scrappy, independent and plenty mature for his age. It took him the longest to adjust here and for me to adjust to him, honestly. That boy doesn’t let me lift a finger for ‘im. His siblings? Sure. When it comes to him? No way, no how.” 

“Interesting.” Daffy finally said.

Feeling exhausted, “Any _otha_ questions?” Bugs asked.

“Yes! Where do I sleep?” 

Bugs got up from the couch and beckoned Daffy to follow him. Down the hall there were three doors. On the left side there was a white door with a gold star labeled Bugs Bunny in black lettering. Though, something told Daffy that it wasn’t his original master bedroom. The middle door was left open, so Bugs pushed in further and flipped on a light to reveal a bathroom. “Here’s the bathroom…” he announced, then pushed open the door on the right side of the hallway. “And here’s your room. G’night, Daff…” 

Before Daffy could say anything else, Bugs slipped away into his bedroom and shut the door. “Night.” Daffy said more to himself. He maneuvered himself inside the bedroom and pulled out a suitcase from his Toon space. He flicked on the light and looked around, the decor was still predominantly white with the same hardwood floor that echoed through the house.

Daffy placed his suitcase on a chair sitting across from the bed and launched himself directly onto the comfortable mattress. It was something akin to a bed from a five-star hotel: soft as a cloud. It didn’t take long for Daffy to fall into a deep sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When the Warner’s alarm went off, it was always a race between the two brothers to see who’d turn it off first. If Yakko got lucky, he’d be the one to turn it off first. Otherwise, Wakko would simply use his trusty mallet. This morning, Yakko was able to jolt awake just in time to stop Wakko’s mallet from hammering down onto the alarm. He tossed it aside and then hit the snooze button. 

Yakko sat up slowly, disturbing his younger siblings only slightly. Being between the two, he managed to worm his way out of their sleepy grasps and slide off of the bed. He smiled to himself, deciding to let them sleep in just a little longer. 

After his morning-care routine, Yakko headed downstairs. Unsurprisingly, Bugs was already up and hovering over the stove. Knowing how jumpy Bugs was, Yakko announced himself. “Mornin’ Bugs...” he chimed. 

Bugs turned around and gave Yakko a nod. “Good morning. You get your sibs up yet?” He asked.

“Eehh… I thought I’d let ‘em sleep in.” Yakko told him before moving to make himself a bowl of cereal. 

“You spoil ‘em more than I do.” Bugs chuckled, turning back to the hot meal on the stove. 

“I’m their big brother. I’m allowed.” Yakko said it before he could really stop it.

The two went deadly silent. It had been a year since he had taken them in, and Bugs still had no idea where he stood. Was he simply an acting mentor? Was he some kind of parental guardian? No one who was involved really knew. At some point in Bugs’ life, he remembered having decided against having kids. And yet, he took in the three without any hesitation. 

Once Yakko made his cereal, he carried it over and sat down on a barstool chair under the kitchen island. He ate and watched Bugs prepare breakfast for the rest of them. Finally, Bugs broke the silence. 

“Daffy is stayin’ wit’ us.” He mentioned.

Yakko swallowed, “Oh really? Why here? Couldn’t find himself a private island off the coast of Malibu?” He asked.

“Dat, I’m sure.” Bugs chuckled, “Also, I thought it’d be easier for us to work on school stuff. Dat and I figured it’d be nice to have some help around the house.” 

“Oh right, your school.” Yakko remembered, “You sure you really want to hire Daffy as a teacher?” He asked.

“Why is everyone askin’ me dat?” Bugs felt slightly annoyed, “I brought Daffy on because he’s my friend. He’s great with kids and he’s been in this business for as long as I have. Longer, if you can believe it.” He defended. 

Yakko wasn’t entirely convinced, still he nodded. “If you say so.” He said.

“You three were invited to the ribbon cuttin’ ceremony yesterday, by the way.” Bugs mentioned, shooting a glare at Yakko.

“Ooh… was that yesterday?” Yakko asked, pushing away his now empty cereal bowl. “Well, you know how it is sometimes. We all get so carried away on set and we end up home later than usual.” 

“Uh-huh.” Bugs said, not quite sure he believed Yakko, “Ya mind waking up your kin? This is almost ready.” He said.

“I’m on it.” Yakko said, hopping down from his chair and making his way back upstairs. 

When Yakko reached their bedroom, he saw Dot fully ready to go. Wakko, however, was still sound asleep and had taken over as much as he could of the California king-sized bed. After a solid few minutes of Yakko working to peel his sibling off of the bed, Wakko was up and able to start his routine. 

Once they were all ready, the three came downstairs to see the kitchen table full of food. Dot eagerly sat down in a seat Bugs pulled out for her. Wakko raced to his seat at the table and began to pile his plate with the assortments of food. Once Yakko and Bugs sat down, Bugs turned to Wakko and Dot. 

“I wanted to let you both know I invited Daffy to stay wit’ us.” Bugs told them, taking a bite of his breakfast.

At that, the two of them looked super pleased. “Hooray!” Wakko cheered before chowing down.

“That’s great! And for how long?” Dot asked curiously. 

After hearing that, it only just occurred to Bugs that he had absolutely no long-term ideas concerning Daffy. Was he going to help him hunt for another estate? Daffy made it clear last night that the rent was ‘so damn high’, Bugs wasn’t sure Daffy was looking for a permanent stay. If he wanted to continue being a teacher, it was clear he would have to come up with _ some _ kind of living arrangement. While he was thinking along those lines, why did Daffy even agree to a teacher’s salary? Surely after all their royalty checks, he didn’t exactly need the extra income. Daffy’s motives were obviously very unclear to Bugs. 

Bugs swallowed his food, “Eeehh… We’ll see.” He said carefully. 

As if on cue, the three siblings caught sight of Daffy floating mid-air down the hallway, past the living room and into the closest seat at the kitchen table. Bugs had watched him and couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. He took the act as a high compliment in regards to his cooking. 

Daffy gave a smile and a small sigh when he opened his eyes to the plethora of food at his disposal. Immediately, he began to eat. “Oh man, I could get used to this.” Daffy said more to himself than anyone. 

After a moment, Bugs’ cleared his throat slightly. “Eh, Daff… I was hopin’ to go over some stuff about the school today.” He said. 

“Today? No can do.” Daffy said, pulling out a cellphone from behind his back, “I have about five different interviews, three of them are public appearances and I have just about fifteen different emails asking for article interviews.” He said.

Bugs’ felt his ear twitch in annoyance. “Didn’t you just fly in yesterday?” He asked.

“What does that have to do with anything? I’m Daffy Duck. Soon to be Professor Daffy Duck!” 

“Not if I decide I don’t like what you’re gonna be teachin’ at my school.” 

Watching the two banter was like watching a tennis match for the siblings. Especially considering the two were at separate ends of the kitchen table. 

Daffy glared right back at Bugs with no fear. “Then why don’t you come up with whatever I’ll be teaching, huh?” He asked.

“Daff, I’m the principal of the only school in Toon Town. There’s no official district to tell us what we should be teachin’. I jus’ wanna make sure we’ll be doin’ this right.” Bugs told him. After a moment, he realized Daffy wasn’t going to budge so Bugs rolled his eyes. “Fine. How’s about this? You go an’ make your way around L.A., do all your lil interviews, and once you get back ‘ere we go over school stuff... If not tonight, then tomorrow... Capiche?”

“Fine.” Daffy said simply, though it didn’t seem like he was too happy about it.

Once the two were done arguing, Yakko decided to speak up. “Well, we better get goin’...” 

The siblings took that as a cue to stand up from their places, with Wakko being the last as he shoveled in the rest of his food as quickly as he could. Daffy watched curiously when Bugs stood up and walked to the kitchen, pulling out three paper bags from the fridge. “Y’all have your studio passes?” He asked. 

“I have the studio passes, this time.” Yakko said, presenting the three lanyards for Bugs to see. “Cuz we all know what happened to Wakko’s last week.” 

“I got hungry…” Wakko said with a small pout. 

“When are you _ not _ hungry, Wakko?” Dot asked, to which Wakko only answered with a giggle. 

Bugs began to hand over their premade lunches when they were at the door, “Remember, you run into any problems on set you call me… alright?” He asked. Bugs was satisfied when he saw them nod in agreement. 

“Eehhh… could you venmo a couple bucks for the Uber?” Yakko asked. 

“Your account should have a hundred smackaroons already…” Bugs said, looking suspiciously at Yakko. 

“What can I say? I leave ‘em great tips.” Yakko said with a smile. 

“...You’re on dish duty when you get home, Yakko.” Bugs said, pulling out his phone. 

Yakko rolled his eyes, took the three lunches Bugs had provided and walked through the door. Dot hugged Bugs before she turned away, “Bye, Bugs!” She chirped. 

Bugs gave her a wave and looked on as Wakko gave his own wave, “See ya, Dad!” And saw a mixture of amusement and horror spread across his black and white face. 

The word felt like something had hit Bugs’ chest and knocked the air out of him. As if to soften this blow, Bugs immediately returned with a rushed sounding, “GoodbyeWakko!!” and slammed the door shut. 

When the three got in their designated car, Wakko looked at Yakko. “Did I mess up?” He asked, with a small blush on his white cheeks. 

Yakko sighed slightly, “No kiddo, you didn’t mess up. I’m sure Bugs is taking it in stride.” He said. “It’d probably be best to try and not to say it again until he gives the okay though, alright?” 

In the house, Bugs had hoped Daffy hadn’t heard the exchange. He had hoped he wouldn’t read into the deep blush that had bloomed across his fluffy cheeks. But as soon as Bugs looked up and down the hall, he saw a smug look plastered on Daffy’s face. 

Bugs almost wanted to run away, but he couldn’t. Instead he sat up and walked over to Daffy. “Why are you givin’ me dat look?” He asked.

“So much for the biggest Bachelor of Toon Town. You realize once the paparazzi get in on this, you’re rep is gonna take a whole ‘nother turn.” Daffy said. 

“Unlike you, I don’t _ care _ what anyone else thinks of me or what I do with my life.” Bugs snapped. 

“If you say so.” Daffy said, his smug look never going away, “Personally, I think fatherhood suits you.” He told Bugs. “And who knows what could happen if this household had a more womanly touch?”

After hearing that, Bugs knew what Daffy was trying to say. He shook his head, “Oh I see, you like to think _ Lola _ suits me… Cuz you and nearly half of da world thinks she and I were made for each other.” He said. 

“Bugs… She was literally created for you.” Daffy said.

“No! She was a Toon created for one movie in the nineties, to be cast in the role of my love interest. Nothin’ more.” Bugs corrected. _ Do you know what that does to a Toon’s psyche? _He nearly asked, but kept it to himself.

“But you two _ were _ together, eventually. And I _ distinctly _ remember that the only reason you two broke it off was because you told me you didn’t want kids, and she did.” Daffy pointed out. 

Bugs felt his cheeks ignite once more, “Believe you me, dat wasn’t the _ only _ reason.” He said. 

Daffy hovered over Bugs as he began to clear up the kitchen table. “Oh really? Pray tell, what else was there? Did she snore? Was she draining your wallet? Did she have an annoying laugh? Did she cheat on ya?” He interrogated. 

“What’s it to ya, Duck?” Bugs asked, continuing to ignore his friend’s line of questioning.

“Look, any Toon with half a brain would give their left foot to have a perfectly drawn counterpart like that. To get a fraction of what every iconic Toon couple has.” Daffy told Bugs, “Like Donald and Daisy, like Popeye and Olive Oyl, like Spiderman and whatever her name is.”

“Mary-Jane…” Bugs finished for him. 

“That’s what I said.” Daffy said immediately. Bugs rolled his eyes and carried a stack of empty dishes to the kitchen sink.

Years before Daffy had moved to his private island, he remembered Bugs and Lola being the hottest couple in Toon Town. The two were featured on tabloids and TV shows, and their joint merchandise sold like crazy. They had been happy and nearly inseparable. Now, Daffy couldn’t even find a single picture of Lola inside Bugs’ house.

“What happened to you two?” Daffy asked. 

“Don’t you have interviews to get to?” Bugs asked loudly as he turned on the faucet and began to rinse off his dishes. “I thought your day was _soo_ busy!”

Daffy looked offended, “You don’t wanna tell your _ best friend _ about your previous relationship when he asks, then fine!” He exclaimed.

Bugs stopped what he was doing and shut off the sink immediately. “You wanna pull that card, eh?” He asked dangerously. “Last time I checked, best friends didn’t leave one anoda high and dry in a mansion off the coast of Central America!” He shouted back. 

“Hey! Communication is a two-way street, bub! You coulda called or visited me any time!”

“Yeah sure Daff, lemme just hop on my private jet to my private yacht and snorkel my way to your front door when I need you most.” Bugs felt and swallowed a small lump that formed in his throat after saying that.

“Why would you swim to shore when I have a perfectly good runway for the private jet?” Daffy asked, more confused than anything. 

“Missin’ the point, as usual.” Bugs said, disappointingly. He felt a headache coming on when he turned the water back on in the sink, “Maybe invitin’ you to stay wasn’t such a good idea.” 

“Are you throwing me out?” Daffy asked.

“I jus’ might, if you don’t leave for those interviews soon.” Bugs said, throwing Daffy a harsh glare over his shoulder. 

Daffy turned away and threw his arms into the air. “Fine! I’ll go, I’ll go…” He said with a low grumble. 

Minutes later, without another word between them, Daffy was in the backseat of a hired car and driving away from Bugs’ house. He pulled out his phone and rang up his agent. It was clear to Daffy that he had missed out on a lot of Bugs’ life. He was going to make it his mission to bring himself up to speed. As soon as he heard the other line pick up Daffy didn’t hesitate, “Cancel Conan, I’m making dinner plans with a certain pig.” He said. 

“Are you sure, sir? Conan is a big gig. He’s really curious about Bugs’ school.” His agent asked.

“Then tell ‘im to get Bugs on his damn show.” Daffy said lamely before hanging up.

Once that was cleared up he dialed another number, “H- h- ah- hello?” The other end asked.

“Porky! My ol’ pal! I’m sure you’ve heard about it already, but I’m in town--” 

“N- n- nuh- uh, no.” Porky stammered.

“--and I thought we’d play a little bit of catch-up! Whaddya say?” Daffy asked. 

“W- w- well I’m uh- I’m a lil busy…” The other Toon started to say. 

“Nonsense! Let’s do tonight at seven. I’ll send you the address.” Daffy said and then quickly hung up. 

Hours later, Daffy walked up to the restaurant to claim his reservation for two. The place was dark, seemingly only lit by fairy lights, therefore making it a little difficult to see for most. Luckily, Toons were created to see in low light situations. Once he had reached his tall wooden booth, Daffy began to order. Not too long after, he saw Porky Pig approach his table and sit down. 

“Okay Porky, I’m gonna need a rundown of every major life event I’ve missed in Bugs’ life since I’ve been gone.” Daffy said, without exchanging any sort of pleasantries. 

Porky sat across from Daffy with a blank stare. “You- you uh think I’m his chronicler? He- he- his secretary? Why w- why do you wanna know this all of a sudden?” He asked. 

“I’m staying with him. And since I’ve been with him I’ve learned that he’s been watching the Warners, started a Toon school, cut out Lola from his life and looks terrible after all of that. You and I are his only friends in this life—“

“Ab ab- We’re definitely not his only friends.” Porky tried to interject. 

“—and if we don’t find out what’s eating him up inside soon, it could be too late!” Daffy proclaimed dramatically. 

“D- d- does he owe you something?” Porky asked curiously.

“Porky, I’m trying to do something decent for my best friend: find out the stressors in his life and stop them.” Daffy said, crossing his arms. 

“I d- don’t understand why you don’t just ask him.” 

“We had an argument.” Daffy mentioned, “Plus, you know how secretive Bugs can get.” 

Porky sighed, realizing he wasn’t going to get out of this no matter what. He had learned by now that when either Bugs or Daffy had their mind on something, they would see it through. 

“Listen… all I- all I know is that shortly after The Looney Tunes Show was cancelled, Lola and Bugs broke up.” Porky said. 

“But how? They were the jewels of Toon Town! They were inseparable. They did all sorts of mushy couple stuff. Even before the show, Bugs helped get her athletic career going. And Lola went to every sleazy bar and fancy casino Bugs could gig at when he was trying to get into stand up during the late 90s. You remember that, right?” Daffy asked. 

The phrase that had haunted Porky for years finally slipped out, “S- she changed. That’s what he said, anyway.” He said. He had heard it from the drunken lips of Bugs Bunny himself. To this day, he didn’t know exactly what it meant, but the way he said it still unnerved him.

Daffy sat in silence for a long time. “Changed… what? How? When?” He asked, feeling even more confused than ever. 

Porky shook his head. “I d- I d- I don’t know. My best guess has been that they just grew ah, grew apart.” He said. 

Daffy wasn’t fully convinced. “There’s gotta be more to it. You sure he didn’t tell you anything else?” 

“No.” He said quickly, “Bu- bu- but I will say. Ever since he’s had this idea for a Toon school, he’s been becoming more paranoid and stressed.” Porky pointed out. Immediately, Daffy thought back to last night where Bugs nearly caved his skull in with a bat. “And- and I don’t think raising those rambunctious kids on his own is doing much good. So, if you can, try to stay on his goo- goo- uh, good side and help him out.” 

Daffy gave a small huff in Porky’s direction. “Yeah okay…”

Back at Bugs’ place, he had spent all day working from home. Brainstorming different classes, sending follow up emails to potential teachers and over all trying to think about his school. He knew that a lot of people, especially Toons, were expecting a lot from him. So he wanted to make sure things were coming together. 

Later on, he received a text from Porky Pig that read, “Your feathery guest came to talk to me. It seems like he has good intentions, but I never know when it comes to him.”

Bugs rolled his eyes and replied back, “I’ll take care of it. Thanks for letting me know.”

After all of that, Bugs had found himself spending quite some time sitting on the couch staring at his cellphone. Every twenty minutes or so he’d remember the number was sitting undialed on his keypad. And every time he thought about calling it, he’d circle the room. After a long while, he finally took in a deep breath and dialed the number. 

“Allison… I think I’m ready.” Bugs said when he heard the line being answered. 

There was a pause, “... For…?” She questioned.

“Operation, Dad.” 

“Oh!! Oh I’ll get the paperwork to you straight away Mr. Bunny! I’ll also get another interview appointment for you set up soon, y’know, adoption agency stuff. I’m sure they’ll be properly in your custody in no time! Well... as soon as everything is signed and approved, anyway. I’m so happy for you all!” Allison chimed.

“About the paperwork, I’d like to make a special request…” Bugs said.

Over the course of the next hour or so, Bugs and Allison spoke about what was next in the process in terms of adopting the Warners. Technically, in human years, they were full-fledged adults and would have been well out of the system. The three were created in 1991, after all. But there were a couple of rules in place for Toons which simply states that because of their child-like nature, they were still recognized as children. So Bugs still had to go through the same process as though he were adopting children. Even if that wasn’t the case, Bugs would most certainly find the means to adopt them.

Once Bugs hung up, he felt better about things. This meant they all still had time to talk things over. Bugs still wasn’t entirely sure about each of their feelings on the subject matter, but he was even more determined to find out now more than ever. Bugs couldn’t help but think back to when Wakko had called him ‘Dad’ earlier. So much pride and happiness swelled in Bugs’ chest, he began to softly cry. He loved them so much, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself if they didn’t want this. 

To keep himself from thinking about things too hard, he wiped away his tears and decided to start making dinner. Cooking was a source of comfort to Bugs. It helped him keep his hands and mind busy. By now, Bugs had learned to cook meals for six or more, to accommodate for Wakko’s monstrous appetite. In truth, Toons had a larger stomach than the average human, a fact that was commonly exploited. For some reason or another, Wakko’s stomach and appetite was two times that size. 

Bugs’ ears perked at the sound of the front door opening. He peaked around the corner with a smile, only to have it melt into a frown when he saw Daffy walk through the door. He had returned to his cooking by the time Daffy made his way into the kitchen. The two sat in a long silence, Daffy watching Bugs’ every move. 

Finally, Bugs broke the silence, “You eat?” He asked. 

“Yes, I had dinner with a friend.” Daffy said. 

“You feel like sayin’ anythin’ to me?” Bugs asked. 

Again, there was a long and agonizing silence between them. Bugs couldn’t help but smile slightly. He knew it was incredibly hard for Daffy to apologize. To admit wrongdoing would be admitting failure, and failure was less-than perfect, which was the opposite of what Daffy strived for. 

“I was jus’—“ He started. Daffy immediately stopped that line when he saw Bugs’ ear twitch. “I want to help.” He tried. 

“Well then, you can start by apologizin’ for pryin’.” Bugs said. 

Daffy groaned out like he was in physical pain, “Auugghhh! Alright! I’m sorry.” He admitted. “I just feel like I missed so much.” He said, just before he noticed Bugs’ tail wiggle slightly. Daffy wondered since when did he find that kind of adorable? He tried not to let his eyes linger there for long; instead, focusing up on Bugs’ gloved hands while he prepared his food. 

“Well if you really feel dat way, you can always just talk to me.” Bugs said simply.

“You’ve always been so closed off! And stand-offish! And you wouldn’t tell me that one thing.” Daffy huffed, crossing his arms.

“Daff, I opened my home to you. I answered most of your questions and I’ve been very patient. As far as things concernin’ Lola, all I’m asking is dat you leave it alone. You _ don’t _ wanna go down this rabbit hole.” Bugs warned. 

Hearing him say that only made Daffy more insanely curious. Still, he filed away these feelings for later. “Fine.” Daffy said with a small pout. 

Bugs looked over at Daffy with a kind smile, appreciating the fact that he was respecting this boundary. Something that, if had been brought up in the past, would have been trampled all over. “Y’know, I have a coupla questions myself.” Bugs admitted.

“Oh?” Daffy asked.

“Yeah. Like, why’d you wanna come back to teach at a school? It can’t be for da money.” Bugs said.

“You know what I’m about, Bugsy.” Daffy told him, leaning on the kitchen island, “I want fame, recognition and fortune. Owning a legacy comes with that. I want to be remembered in history books. Being apart of the first Toon school? That’s history right there.” 

“Well, I can’t argue with dat.” Bugs said with a shrug. 

Soon, Daffy took the barstool and they continued to talk. And just like that, it seemed like they were right where they had left off all those years ago. Daffy wasn’t sure if it was the content of their conversations, or if that was just the effect Bugs had on others. He was always such a smooth-talker and it always felt like he had control of the conversation. Daffy interjected when he could (it was in both their nature to be the center of attention, after all) and most importantly they shared stories. 

From what Daffy understood, the Warners brought a lot of joy and excitement in his life. Even if it had only been a little over a year. Ultimately, Daffy was proud of Bugs. “So when are you gonna adopt ‘em?” Daffy asked.

Hearing that, Bugs nearly dropped a dish he was pulling out of the oven. Luckily he had been close enough to the kitchen island that the dish simply landed on it a little harder than if he’d normally place it down. “Eeh.. well, I uh. I talked to the adoption agency today, actually. There just needs to be a few more interviews and some paperwork.” He said.

“Of course. Wouldn’t wanna rush into somethin’ like this.” Daffy said. 

“I… still don’t know if I’m ready, Daff.” Bugs admitted, looking down at his casserole. “I don’t know if dat’s really what they want.”

“Are you kiddin’ me?” Daffy exclaimed, “All you’re missing are family portraits to put in your wallet. You’re perfect dad material. If they can’t see that, it’s their loss.” 

“Who’s loss?” A nasally voice asked. 

Bugs and Daffy turned simultaneously and saw the Warners peeking around the corner by height. Wakko sniffed the air and gave a small sigh. “It smells so good.” He commented.

Internally, Bugs was screaming. He wasn’t sure just how much the Warners had heard of their conversation until Dot spoke. “So when are we getting those family portraits?” She asked with a grin. 

“I guess we could all use some new headshots.” Yakko joked with her. 

Bugs took in a deep breath, “They’re sendin’ Allison over for anoda coupla home interviews.” He announced.

“Oh won’t that be nice? I was starting to miss her.” Dot chimed. “Can you believe it took them ten interviewers before they found her?” She asked Daffy.

“She’s put up with a lot of our shenanigans.” Wakko said.

“Eehh… What are we gonna tell ‘er about the duck?” Yakko asked, pointing his thumb in Daffy’s direction. Daffy looked a little annoyed, but didn’t say a word.

“Oh! What if we tell ‘er he’s our second cousin twice removed?” Wakko proposed. 

“We ain’t lyin’.” Bugs said quickly, “He’s here temporarily, and that’s what we tell ‘em.” He said. 

Daffy shrugged and got up to start walking out of the room. “Well it’s obvious you’ve got some things to talk about. I’ll see myself out.” 

With that, the four began to set the table with what Bugs had cooked for them. Once the table was set and food was served, Bugs spoke up. “About the adoption… I don’t need answers from you guys yet. The process is long to begin with. Just… think about things for me, alright?” He asked.

“You got it, Bugs.” Yakko said with a smile and a small wink.

After hearing that, Bugs felt like he was on top of the world. Things were falling into place more smoothly than he could have ever imagined.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I haven’t updated this fic since THE LAST DECADE! Ha ha. Okay, moving on...

Once Yakko was done with the dishes, Bugs stopped him from making a b-line for the stairs by calling out to him. “Yakko, c’mere please,” he said. 

Yakko stopped and moved out of the kitchen to the living room couch. Dot and Wakko were nestled under Bugs’ arms on either side as they watched a movie. When Yakko approached, Bugs paused the TV and smiled. “I was wonderin’ if you’d and me could go out somewhere tomorrow? We can go wherever ya want, and do whatever ya wanna do. Just me and you,” he said. 

“Knott’s?” Yakko asked.

“...Dat’s kinda a big outing.”

“Disneyland?”

“Again-“

“Legoland?”

“Ain’t y’all too old for—“ he stopped himself before Yakko talked him into a circle, “Yakko, I jus’ mean for us two, in the evenin’.” 

“Who’s watchin’ the squirts?” Yakko asked, pointing at his siblings.

“Daff will. They’ll be fine,” Bugs promised. 

Yakko stared at Bugs as if he was processing this information very slowly. Then he spoke: “Dinner at Mel’s.”

Bugs nodded, “You got it, kiddo,” he said before prompting Yakko to sit down with them and continuing with the movie. Once he did so, Bugs spoke again, “Then I’ll take your sister to breakfast and your brother to lunch,” he said definitively.

“That sounds lovely, Bugs,” Dot said.

Yakko perked a little bit at the sound of that. “Wait… you sure we couldn’t all go somewhere together?” he asked.

“It’s just a little one-on-one, Yakko. I want everyone’s input before I make any big decisions here,” Bugs simply said.

“Oh! Oh! Can you and I go to that one Chinese buffet?” Wakko asked excitedly.

“Not if you’re gonna run the bill longer than the length of my ears,” Bugs shot back with a playful smile.

Realizing he wasn’t going to make Bugs change his mind, Yakko sank deeper into the couch. Though his gaze was on the TV his mind was racing, as always.

The moment the three retreated to their room for the night, Dot turned to Yakko. “Y’know, I’m starting to think you don’t have this under control anymore, Yakko,” she told him. 

Yakko began to pace the room. “Well I can’t help that the price of living here is stupid expensive. I’m gonna need more time to get us our own place.” 

Wakko looked crestfallen, “You mean we aren’t gonna let Bugs adopt us?” he asked. 

Dot held her tongue and looked at Yakko. Their eldest stopped to kneel down to his brother’s level, and placed his hands on each shoulder. “Not if we can help it. I get it, Wakko, he’s done a lot for us. But I can do this! I just need more time at the Cafe…” Yakko said.

“But they need us all on set. If you take any more hours you’re just gonna work yourself into the ground,” Dot said in an exhausted tone. 

“I’m gonna make this work, Dot,” Yakko said, standing back up and pacing again. “The only hang up is you guys’ sitter. Maybe if I call ahead Daria will let you guys stay at the Cafe for a few shifts.”

“Yakko are you listening to me? Are you listening to yourself?” Dot asked. 

“I don’t like this plan anymore, Yakko. I want to stay here, with Bugs,” Wakko said in a pitiful tone. 

Yakko turned towards his brother with a sharp look. “Oh really? You wanna stay here with a Toon who’s let us just sleep in his old master bedroom, surrounded by his own paraphernalia?” He asked, gesturing to the posters and photographs of Bugs meeting various stars around the room. 

“You were the one who told us we couldn’t decorate,” Dot said pointedly.

“Because Bugs told me so. I told you that I asked him on day one. Bugs didn’t even bother to come to the first test screen of our show. He didn’t even invite us to the ribbon ceremony of his new school. On top of all that, Bugs goes out and does... whatever he does every Saturday night. Does that seem like someone who’s invested in our lives? Who wants us to really be a part of his?” Yakko asked. 

Dot and Wakko were silent, lost in their own thoughts. With each passing second Yakko wasn’t sure if he had them fully convinced. He watched Dot cross her arms and Wakko begin to pull at the edges of his sweater. Yakko was worried that he was letting them down and that he wasn’t responsible enough to take care of them on his own. 

“Look, I know Bugs seems like the better option… but we’re family. We’re from the same pool of ink. That’s… gotta count for something, right?” Yakko asked with a weak smile.

But his siblings didn’t answer. Yakko sighed a little and ran a hand through his hair, “Let’s just get some sleep,” he said.

When the morning came, Yakko was up before their alarm went off. After Bugs had invited each of the siblings to dine with him one on one, it was all he could think about. As Dot awoke and got ready, Yakko hovered around her. 

“Y’know, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Yakko told her while she brushed her hair.

Dot shot Yakko a glare through the bathroom mirror. “Well I do, and I will,” she said back. 

“Okay well… let me know if you need anything or if something comes up. Alright?” Yakko asked.

As soon as Yakko turned away, Dot rolled her eyes. She knew underneath Yakko was only worried about Bugs finding out they were trying to be independent from him. In truth, she hadn’t decided if she wanted to say something about it to Bugs or not. She always understood that Yakko was working hard and trying his best to maintain a certain authority between the three of them. However, she would be lying to herself if she hadn’t thought of living the good life with Bugs. 

“Is everythin’ alright? You haven’t even touched your pancakes…” Bugs’ voice interrupted her overwhelming thoughts. 

After all, it was true. While Bugs and Dot sat in a cozy booth at a small local diner, she hadn’t paid any attention to her plate. Dot looked at Bugs widely before she gave a nervous chuckle. “Sorry, Bugs,” she apologized.

“Oh don’t go apologizin’, it’s a lot to take in. But it’s like I said, I ain’t makin’ any more moves until I get an answer from the three of you. And ya don’t have to answer today or next week, just wheneva you’re ready,” Bugs said as he turned back to his own meal.

Everything in Dot was telling her to side with Yakko and tell Bugs a definitive ‘no’. But there was something holding her back. So she decided to ask a simple question, “Did Yakko ever ask about us decorating the master bedroom?” 

Bugs looked confused, “No... but I do remember askin’ him if you guys wanted help gettin’ rid of my decor and he told me you guys loved it,” he said. 

That was when things hit Dot like a ton of bricks but she felt compelled to ask another question. “Did you know that a couple months ago our show had a screen test for the first two episodes?” she asked. 

“What? No! Was... was I supposed to know?” Bugs asked, suddenly feeling worried about this line of questioning. 

“Yakko told us he invited you, only to never show,” Dot said, shaking her head. “I can’t believe it. He’s been trying to pit Wakko and I against you this whole time.”

Bugs dropped his fork, causing it to clatter onto his plate. “What?!” he exclaimed. Even after Bugs had taken them in and provided everything for them, Yakko had been busy manipulating his siblings into thinking adopting them wasn’t the best option. Still, he didn’t know, “Why?” he asked, his ears hanging low and behind his head. 

“Probably to get us to say no to you so we could all be independent from you. He… already took up a second job at a cafe across town. He was saving to get us a rental someplace,” Dot admitted. 

“Well now I know where the cash for his extra ‘joy rides’ went,” Bugs said, feeling all too bitter. “Why da long con, though? If he wanted to get a place to rent, I could’ve co-signed. You know I would’ve!” 

“We do know, and that’s probably why. He just wants it to be himself, Wakko and I,” Dot said. 

“He probably didn’t even tell ya I invited you three to the Acme Loo ribbon ceremony…?”

“Sorry, but nope.”

Bugs placed his elbows on the table and let his head fall into his hands, heartbroken and frustrated. “This fuckin’ kid…” he said. 

Dot was silent for a little bit. “Y'know.. after the first show, they tossed us in an orphanage. Because no one knew what to do about us… being us. I thought we’d be shuffled around for forever. But then they labeled us as unadoptable and threw us out. Then the studio told us we had a new show and so we lived there,” she said. 

Everything she had said, Bugs already knew. Still, he made sure to look up at her while she spoke. What she said next truly surprised him, “When I saw you at our trailer… especially when I watched you talk Yakko into staying with you, I felt so relieved. And I know we didn’t make the first few months easy for you…” Dot admitted. 

Bugs laughed a little at that, “No, you didn’t,” he said. 

“But after everything we’ve been through, knowing that you still want us… Makes me really happy. I don’t know about my brothers, but I’d love to be adopted by you,” Dot told him. 

It took everything in Bugs not to cry from relief and happiness. He simply smiled softly at Dot and nodded. “I’m glad to hear it,” he said. 

After that, Dot finally paid mind to her breakfast and began to eat. The two had a great meal and an amazing conversation. Ever since he had met Dot, Bugs knew she was smart, funny and wise beyond her years. 

By the time Wakko and Bugs’ lunchtime came around, there was no mistaking the answer Bugs would receive. Bugs could see it as plain as day while they travelled to a Chinese restaurant that Wakko was beyond excited. Still, just as he promised, Bugs began to ease into the question after they had sat down and ordered their food. 

“You don’t have to answer me today or even next week—“ Bugs told him. 

“I want to be adopted,” Wakko said immediately, interrupting whatever Bugs had planned to say. 

“Just like dat, huh?” Bugs asked with a smile and a laugh. “You were quicker to tell me than your sister. She waited till the food arrived.” 

Wakko blushed a little after hearing that. “Well it’s just… you’re such a huge inspiration to us all. Me especially. I… I know Yakko doesn’t want me to say it, but I don’t care. I want to be adopted,” he said. 

“Even though I forgot to show up to your guys’ test screenin’?” Bugs asked. 

“You could’ve forgotten my birthday an’ I would still want you to adopt me,” Wakko said in a sure-fire tone.

“So, eh... when’s your birthday again?” Bugs asked. Then the two fell into a fit of laughter. Bugs’ smile began to disappear, “You got any ideas on how to change Yakko’s mind?” he asked. 

There was a pause, “I… I don’ know if you can. Yakko can be pretty stubborn,” Wakko admitted with a shrug. 

Bugs shook his head, realizing the unwanted pressure he placed on Wakko. “Sorry I even asked. I’m sure I can come up with somethin’. Let’s just focus on us, huh?” He asked. “Any questions ya got, I’ll answer.” 

Wakko twisted a little in his seat. “Is it alright if I call you Dad?” He asked. 

Hearing that made Bug’s chest swell with pride, “Of course you can, kiddo,” he said with a soft smile.

“Can I call Daffy Dadoo?”

Immediately, Bugs tensed up, “Absolutely not.”

Wakko simply giggled at Bugs’ initial shock, “Kidding, kidding…” he said in a sing-song voice. 

Once their lunch came, Wakko launched another question at Bugs, “What’s it like bein’ an A-list Toon?” he asked. 

Mid-bite, Bugs looked at Wakko with a curious expression, “Weren’t you three A-list?” he asked after he swallowed. 

Wakko shook his head. “We were televised so at best we were like… a C minus, maybe,” he said with a shrug. He heard Bugs chuckle a little before he continued, “But you were in movies and comics, you were the face of Warner Brothers.” 

“Well, it’s not as glamorous as some would like ya to believe,” Bugs told him. “An’ back then, when I was first created, it wasn’t always so easy. They loved remindin’ everyone about how wherever we went, we represented da studio. So we had to be polite, funny and always smilin’.” 

“Is that why everybody was so happy in their shorts back then?” Wakko asked, pushing his cheeks into a forced smile to demonstrate. 

“Oh for sure. It’s not like no one didn’t like their jobs or nothin’. It was just studio policy. And as far as any Toon was concerned, back then, we were studio property,” Bugs explained. 

“Like any anvil or lamp on set, huh?” Wakko asked. 

Bugs nodded. “Absolutely. We were expensive props to ‘em,” he said. 

“That doesn’t sound too different from where we are now…” Wakko said. 

“Ehh… I’d have to disagree wit’ ya. I mean, us Toons are at least bein’ acknowledged as sentient beings nowadays.” Bugs said, “We can get our own agents, we can join unions… and now we have our very own school.” 

“Well yeah… but you’re an A-list Toon. It’s not like you can jus’ walk away from Warner Brothers… can you?” Wakko asked. 

The phrase hit Bugs like a freight train. Suddenly he felt like he was back inside The Warner Brothers Animation Studio meeting room. They had just pitched him a brand new show featuring all of the old cast in a sitcom-style show. 

At the end of the presentation, Bugs stood up and shook his head. “No. No. I’m not coming out of retirement for dis. Lola and I are comfortable workin’ our otha careers, we don’t need a TV show to get in the way,” he said plainly. 

Just as he reached for the handle of the office door. “If you don’t do it then we’ll create a Toon who will,” a disembodied voice said. 

The phrase had been tossed out so casually but it stopped him in his tracks. No human in the room could see the look of the horror that had been cast across Bugs’ face. Before they could discuss it further, Bugs turned around and spoke, “Okay so when do we get dis ball rollin?” he asked with a smile.

In the present, Wakko waved his hand in front of Bugs’ face. “Hello?” he asked. 

Bugs shook his head and gave Wakko a smile. “Sorry, kiddo. I uh… got distracted,” he said. 

Wakko sat back and gave Bugs a questionable stare. “So? Could you leave Warner Brothers?” he asked again.

“Of course I could! I jus’ probably couldn’t do any other big actin’ gigs, dat’s all,” Bugs told him.

“Hm,” was all that Wakko said in return. 

At that point, Bugs made sure to steer the conversation onto other things. They had an amazing time talking and strengthening their bond. Bugs felt a deep sense of pride knowing this amazing kid wanted him to be his father figure. 

And then, the hard part began to loom over Bugs’ head. Once Yakko entered Bugs’ car in replace of Wakko, the atmosphere became ten times thicker. There was nothing but silence for a long time. In truth, Bugs just plain didn’t know what to say. 

Emotions of frustration and hurt eventually surfaced before Bugs finally spoke, “I always knew you were a wise-cracker. But I neva pinned ya for a sociopath, Yakko,” Bugs started.

Yakko looked smugly at Bugs, like he was proud of the title, “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. I’m just carvin’ my own way,” he said.

“By lyin’ to your siblings? To me?” Bugs asked.

The smile vanished and that’s when Yakko knew for sure that the jig was up. One of his siblings had ratted him out. “A small price to pay to get what we deserve,” Yakko said simply, trying to remain cool.

“You think you three livin’ broke, all by your lonesome, is ‘what you deserve’?”

“It’s like I told you, Bugs; we’ve gotten by before without you. We can do it again. Look, none of this is in disrespect of what you’ve done for us. We get it and we appreciate it. But we’ve always been a unit and we’ll always be one,” Yakko told him.

“And what happens when two thirds of dat unit wants to live under my roof?” Bugs asked.

Yakko frowned. “Not gonna happen. They’ll eventually pick my side; lies or no.”

“What makes you so sure?” Bugs asked.

“Cuz we’re family.” 

“And what does that make me, Yakko? Your housekeeper? Chopped liva?” 

“Well, definitely not our Dad like you so desperately wanna believe,” Yakko snapped.

Bugs felt his heart break when he heard that. As much as he didn’t want to be surprised, he was. He had wanted to believe that he had left some kind of impression on Yakko. Even after all the time and hard work he had put into making their lives easier. Apparently it meant nothing if Yakko wasn’t in charge. 

Deciding on a different approach, Bugs asked him a question, “How does it make you feel, knowing I’m in your lives, Yakko?”

Yakko looked out the car window. “Honestly? Like I’m such a failure to my siblings that I had to have some other Toon step in and take care of them,” he said in a bitter tone. 

“There’s nothin’ wrong wit’ askin’ for help, Yakko,” Bugs said.

Yakko rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Don’t you get it? I already told you, we don’t want your parental advice or your charity.” 

“This ain’t about charity, Yakko!” Bugs shouted, “This is about who we are as Toons. We look out for each otha. You might think you have it all figured out, but you don’t and dat’s—” Bugs tried to finish. 

“Cuz you do. All because you have to be the smartest in the room, right?” Yakko asked loudly. “Tell me more about how I don’t know things. Let me guess, it’s because I’m so young, huh?” 

“Yakko, if you had let me finish, I was gonna tell you that it’s okay not to know everythin’. At no point was I tryin’ to say I knew better than you,” Bugs said. 

At that, Yakko was deadly silent. 

“...Yakko, I love you and your sibs,” Bugs said, “I wanna help you guys thrive. And guess what? Later down the road you’ll meet otha folks who wanna help you too. And it doesn’t come from a place of pity or sadness. It comes from a sense of unity.”

Yakko began to realize just how wrong he was about Bugs’ intentions. It made him feel embarrassed. Still, he didn’t want to back down from this. 

“Us Toons are all we got, after all,” Bugs told him. 

“We passed by Mel’s five times already, by the way,” Yakko said. 

“I know. I jus’ wanted to talk somewhere a lil more private,” Bugs admitted sheepishly. 

Silence filled the cab of the car again as Bugs pulled around and into a parking space. Before he opened his car door, Yakko spoke. “What’s got you so paranoid?” he asked. 

Bugs and Yakko locked eyes. Everything in Bugs was screaming at him to tell Yakko about everything right then and there. “Does it have anything to do with where you go every Saturday night?” Yakko prodded more. 

Then Bugs realized he didn’t have to. Not yet. He tilted his head in a gentle gesture to follow him outside the car. “Let’s talk over dinner, huh?” Bugs asked.

Way across town, Porky Pig received a text from Daffy,  “Starting to think Lola has something to do with why Bugs is so stressed. Any idea where she is?” it read.

“No,” Porky replied.

Honestly, he wished he could do more for Daffy, he just didn’t know what. He felt like he had missed something crucial. And he began to wonder if Daffy was onto something. That maybe it did have something to do with Lola.

Porky had remembered the night he had gotten the call from Bugs. It had been shortly after they had all been let go from The Looney Tunes Show. And only about a month or two after Daffy had completed his mansion island. The day had been slow-going, as Porky was busy working on a few new chapters of his book. It was the weekend and he had no impending obligations. 

So when Porky saw his cell phone light up with Bugs’ name, his focus shifted and he picked up without any hesitation. “He- hello?” he answered.

“Lola don’t deserve me,” Bugs said immediately.

“N- now what makes you say that? Haven’t you b- been together for over twenty years?” Porky asked. “If she didn’t deserve you, I think she would’ve left by now.”

“She just did.”

“O- oh.”

Bugs put his head in his free hand. “I don’t know if it’s a good time for ya, but…”

“Let’s meet up, get you out of the house an- and take your mind off things. Or vent things out, whichever one you need,” Porky finished. 

A sigh of relief came from Bugs, “Thanks, Porky,” he said. 

The two Toons met at a classic bar, one that Bugs would frequent when his drinking habits were more common. It was called The Prop Room; a place on the edge of Glendale, strikingly close to Toon Town’s entrance. It was the second human establishment to open its doors to Toons, right after The Ink and Paint Club. 

They walked inside and were pleased to see that after so long, barely anything had changed. After some pleasantries, they both sat at the bar and ordered their respective drinks and opened a tab. Porky could tell from the small kinks in Bugs’ whiskers he had already been drinking. How much or how little was anyone’s guess, as Bugs often hid it well. 

“S- so do you wanna talk about it?” Porky asked. 

Bugs looked at the bar countertop for a long time, then his drink as they were served. “I don’t even know where to start. There’s a whole lot of this that just isn’t sittin’ right wit’ me,” he said. 

“I’m here for as long as you need me,” Porky said. 

After Bugs gave him a halfhearted smile, he took a sip of his drink. “She told me she wanted kids,” he said. 

Porky waited a beat for Bugs to add in something else. When he didn’t, the pig gave a small shrug, “I h- hate to say it Bugs, but that’s not uncommon or unexpected. Considering how long you two have been together,” he said.

“I know, I know… It just… It didn’t feel right,” Bugs continued. 

“Well there’s no such thing as perfect timing...” 

“That’s not what I mean… I jus… Somehow, somewhere, durin’ the production of dat last show… Lola, she… she changed...” Bugs admitted, combing his hand across his ears and behind his head. 

Porky looked hard at Bugs in confusion. That’s when he began to realize that this wasn’t just a heartbroken Toon; this was a Toon who was scared. His eyes were wide and the sheen in his fur was dull. Porky watched as Bugs took another few gulps of his drink. It reminded him of his, so he took a swig himself. 

“Did- Did she take the breakup well?” Porky asked after he had swallowed. At this point, Porky was well prepared to storm his friend’s house in case he had been locked out, or call on the Police if there was any form of abuse. 

“Oh yeah. Yeah. She uh, took the spare bedroom last night and had her things packed only an hour ago,” Bugs reassured in an almost bored tone, “Didn’t tell me where she was goin’, not dat it’s anya’ my business… Then at the door she jus’ said she wished me luck in findin’ whatever I wanted outta life.”

At that, Porky was only more confused. “Well… That’s good, at least,” he said. 

Bugs finished off his drink and shook his head. “Thinkin’ too much is what got me into this mess. I’m ready to jus’ stop thinkin’. Porky ol’ pal, it’s a ‘yes’ night.” He said as he signaled for another drink from their bartender. 

“A wh- a what now?” Porky asked sheepishly. 

Immediately the light returned to Bugs and he grinned. “A ‘yes’ kinda night! Wherever we go, whatever we do, we gotta jus say yes!” He exclaimed.

“Li- like that Jim Carrey movie?” Porky asked. 

Bugs laughed and gave Porky a slap on the back, “Now you’re gettin’ it!” he said. 

That night turned more into a night full of dares they couldn’t say no to. Quickly, they became drunker than either had intended. But Porky went along with it, so sure that this was the kind of company Bugs needed. 

They hopped to other bars along the neighborhood, sampling drinks and making absolute spectacles of themselves. Bugs was sure they would find online videos later, but he honestly couldn’t find any reason to care in the moment. 

Their trailblazing brought them to a bar and lounge that they had never seen before. Bugs had caught sight of a neon birdcage just before they barreled through the doors. To their surprise, they were greeted by many Toon patrons and workers alike. It made sense considering how close they were to Toon Town in the first place. It made them feel at ease.

“I’ve got a good feelin’ ‘bout this place, Porky.” Bugs said to his drinking buddy. 

“Pr— pretty girls…” Porky commented while he sized up a beautifully vibrant green Toon bird dressed in a long pink gown, who simply smiled and waved. 

The two Toons approached the bar where a bright red and skinny rooster greeted them happily. He wore a loose white button up shirt, revealing a bit of a long and thin golden necklace, with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. It was obvious that the Toon was hard at work, yet he positively beamed at Bugs and Porky. “Hola! Why if it isn’t señor Bunny and señor Pig? It is an honor! What can I get you caballeros?” he chirped.

“Do- do I know you?” Porky asked as he swayed a little while trying to find his seat on the barstool in front of him. 

“We have not had the pleasure of meeting, no. Still, as owner of The Singing Birdcage, I am here to accept your el mecenazgo,” the friendly bird continued in his Spanish accent.

Bugs wagged a finger in the rooster’s direction. “Wait a minute, I know you… you’re dat pistols, guy… signed with Disney.”

“Me atrapaste. My name is Panchito Romero Miguel Junipero Francisco Quintero González the Third, at your service,” Panchito beamed. He felt flattered that Bugs Bunny, who appeared drunker than a skunk, even had an inkling of who he was. 

Bugs grinned and slammed his credit card onto the bar, “Panchito! Give us somethin’ we’ve never seen before,” he demanded. 

“Oh I’m sure you’ll have plenty of that tonight…”

“Is dat a threat or a promise, Mac?” 

Panchito smiled. “A promise, mi amour,” he said with a wink before turning to make their drinks. 

Bugs could have sworn his face got warmer and he had a feeling that it wasn’t because of the alcohol. Though, to be fair, it had quite some effect. Bugs tucked those feelings away for later and looked around the bar. 

It had a very rustic vibe with a pinch of tropical flavor that didn’t go unnoticed. The tables were set romantically and arranged in a way that reminded Bugs of an older Ink and Paint Club. The stage wasn’t nearly as long, but it was just as wide. The curtains were still closed, but the crowd was busy gathering and taking their seats. 

“L- looks like we’re just in time for a show,” Porky pointed out. 

As if on cue, a loud blaring noise of horns poured out of the sound system, the curtains were parted by a single Toon on stage while Miami Sound Machine’s “Conga” began to play. 

Porky immediately recognized the green bird as the one he had been greeted by earlier. Though, instead of wearing a long pink gown, their pink dress was a lot shorter and glimmered in the spotlight. Their blonde hair was neatly placed in a decorative bun, with their blue and red tail feathers splayed behind them while they moved like lightning across the stage. They moved their hands in a gesture to encourage people to join.

Bugs was absolutely enamored and grinned when the audience got up from their seats and began to form a conga line. When the conga began to pass the bar, Bugs grabbed Porky by the arm and pulled him along as they found the end of the line. 

As they went around the room, Bugs could hardly take his eyes off of the performer. They continued to move and lip sync perfectly to the song. For a few minutes, he could have sworn they had locked eyes. 

Once the song ended, the audience erupted into applause as soon as the performer struck a pose. Bugs watched as they scurried off stage, making a b-line right for him and Porky. They looked breathless, but still had a wide smile, “Ola! Senhor Bugs and Porky!” They chirped and extended a gloved hand, “It’s such an honor to see you here, em nossa pequena casa longe de casa.” 

Bugs was pleasantly surprised to hear such a deep voice and lovely accent coming from the bird’s mouth. He shook their hand, “And you are…” Bugs prompted. 

“Oh! Perdoe minha grosseria, my name is José Carioca. My husbands and I own this fine establishment,” José introduced himself. 

Porky looked especially astonished at these revealing facts. One, that José was a male and two being the fact that he had just said the word ‘husbands’. This was an entirely new concept, something that made him start to realize exactly what kind of place they were in. Porky started to feel a little out of place.

“The other caballero! I thought dat was you. Your performance was stunnin’!” Bugs complimented, dropping his grip. 

“Oh! Muito obrigado!” José said, placing a hand on his heart, ”Oh but I must ask, my dançarinos would adore to see you backstage, if you could? I mean, you are their inspiration!” he exclaimed. 

Bugs could only pick up context clues, but he figured he’d be meeting more of the lounge’s performers. And to continue with the theme of the night he found himself saying, “Absolutely! Lead the way!” he exclaimed. 

“Oh perfeição!” Without hesitation, José turned on his heels and the two followed. 

The backstage was hazy but cozy. They were led to a large dressing room lined with traditional makeup desks lined with lights and every one of them had a Toon or human in drag in front of them. They had all turned towards the door, ready to congratulate José on his performance, but stopped when they noticed just who else was in their presence. 

Suddenly Bugs was surrounded, greeted by handshakes and tight hugs. “Gals and pals! I’m only one rabbit, please,” he chuckled, admiring their enthusiasm. 

“So sorry Bugs!” a voice said, “You’ll have to forgive us, we’re simply admiring the Absolute Queen of Drag.”

Bugs couldn’t help but blush at that. It had been a while since he had dawned himself in women’s clothing. Certainly not in this kind of context, either. Still, he took it as a high compliment. Especially when he noticed who exactly gave it to him. Dressed in baggy clothing and a rather convincing goatee was none other than Mulan. “And I thank you,” he said. 

Before he could say another word Bugs was grabbed by the wrist and placed in a makeup chair where he began to trade makeup tips and tricks with the performers. Unbeknownst to many, Bugs had an affinity for wigs. So they showed him their best ones, which delighted him. And like that, it all felt like they were all fast friends. 

Porky, however, felt more and more like a shadow on the wall. A couple of folks tried to spark conversation with him, but he still felt like he was in a foreign place. He only started listening to Bugs’ conversation when he heard a familiar name.

Bugs saw an old photo hanging on the corner of one of the mirrors. The three caballeros were grouped together with José in the middle. In the corner of the photo there was a black heavy fountain pen signature that read “much love, Donald” and a heart drawn next to it. It made him curious. 

José noticed Bugs’ eye and gave him a sad smile. “Donal’ hardly comes to the lounge, which is a shame, but Panchito and I understand that he has to keep a certain reputation,” he said after letting his blonde hair down and drape his shoulders.

Immediately, Bugs looked at José with surprise. “So when you said ‘husbands’... you meant…” 

José nodded. “Myself, Panchito and Donal’. Well, really Panchito and I are legally married. Still, we love Donal’ so very very much,” he said, running a comb through the ends of his wig.

“What about Daisy?” Bugs asked in disbelief.

“A beard, for lack of a better word.” José explained, “She was hired by Disney to do so. Thus, she knows about us three. We don’t mind her tagging along with us in public spaces. Even though we all know it’s just to keep up appearances.”

Bugs felt heartbroken for the three lovers and especially for Donald Duck. 

“Sucks, don’t it?” a voice asked from behind. 

Bugs whirled around and found none other than Tom the cat behind him. The Toon was dressed in a Marilyn Monroe get up with a towel around the back of his neck. Clearly, he had just performed. Bugs nearly stood up, assuming he was in the way somehow, but the grey cat sat beside him. 

“Bein’ an A-list Toon was absolute hell back then, and I don’t expect it to get any better for you ol’ buckets of ink anytime soon. Least of all the queer ones,” Tom commented.

At that moment Bugs realized he wasn’t the only one in the room who knew what it meant to be a face of a big animation company. Luckily for Bugs, Warner Brothers had looser reigns on him in recent years. Still, he remembered the scars.

“Tell me about it, havin’ to play nice all the time. Couldn’t ever let ‘em know ya felt any emotion otha than happy when outside the studio,” Bugs recalled bitterly. 

José simply shrugged. “These are the cards we’ve been dealt with,” he said. 

Even after all this time, Bugs had to imagine that Disney was still strict with how their Toons acted and behaved. When it came to A-list Toons, it was more difficult to live freely without the constant pressure from the public and the company. Especially for Toons who were outside the ‘norm’ like Donald. It made Bugs’ blood boil at the thought. 

“Ay caramba… Somehow I knew you’d whisk away our most prestigious guests, Zé,” a voice chimed.

Everyone looked and saw Panchito at the end of the room, holding two elaborate mixed drinks in each hand. José stood from his seat and gave Panchito a small kiss on the cheek before he grabbed one of the drinks. “I’m sorry, meu passarinho amor, I just knew our lovely boys and girls would want to see him,” he said. 

“Well then I guess as long as everyone’s having a good time, yes?” Panchito asked and handed Porky his drink.

“You betchya!” Bugs chimed over the cheers as José handed him the drink.

“You know what would be a real good time? If we had none other than Bugs Bunny, in drag and on tonight’s stage,” a queen suggested. Bugs recalled them being introduced as imported guests for tonight’s show. Was their name really James? Maybe it was a stage name.

Bugs nearly spat out his drink when he had registered what had been said, but he swallowed it instead. “You’d let me do that? In this state?! On such short notice?” he asked. 

“Oh Bugs, babe, if you aren’t in some kind of state are you  _ really _ in drag?” Tom asked with a laugh. 

The whole room erupted into laughter. When things died down Bugs nodded and took another sip of his drink. “Alright. I’ll do it,” he said. 

Panchito glanced at Porky and gave a nod to suggest he follow. Porky was a tad embarrassed as he followed him outside the dressing room, had this awkwardness been that prevalent? He wondered this as he followed the rooster to a table, where they both sat down. Porky took a swig of his drink and Panchito looked at him curiously.

“What seems to be the trouble, mi amigo?” Panchito asked.

Porky wondered no longer, and felt incredibly embarrassed. “I uh- if I’m being honest, I seem to be a little out of my element...” he admitted.

“I see, I see. Never been to a bar such as this?”

“Ne- never in my life. I’m positive Bugs has, but I- I certainly never went with him.” 

“Well it’s certainly more vibrant than your run-of-the-mill bar, as I’m sure you've noticed. Cheer up, Porky! Let loose, enjoy the show, enjoy the drink and I promise you’ll have a great time!” Panchito exclaimed with joy. 

Then Panchito leaned across the table, a golden ring on a golden chain slipped from his shirt. Porky quickly noted the three diagonal diamonds ingrained in the band with different colors: green, blue and red. “I promise, no one will dress you up and make you walk the stage. Though, I can’t promise you won’t catch any stares from my handsome male patrons.” He said before he stood and walked away, his long red tail feathers bouncing vibrantly behind him. 

Porky scanned the room and immediately locked eyes with a familiar face. Staring him down with two beautiful Toons, a man and a woman, under each arm was Wally “Tex” McWolf. It was as if the wolf had walked off his set from the 1940s. Porky knew of some Toons like that; Toons who would go out of their way to make themselves seem like they had never been repainted from the day they made their major debut. He was hardly surprised Tex was one of them.

Porky sank a little in his chair and looked away, still left wondering if Panchito had inadvertently hit on him or not. Despite this, he tried to take Panchito’s advice and relax. Chances were, Bugs would perform and then they’d slip back into the night. That’s what he was hoping for, anyways.

Just then, an upbeat jazzy tempo began to play through the speakers. The curtains parted and a red cloaked figure stood in the middle of the limelight. The moment the first lyrics of “Daddy” by The Bobby Troupe rang out, the cloak was tossed aside. Bugs stood proudly in a short orange wig, a short red dress with frills and red high heels. 

Porky watched as Bugs paraded and danced on stage. It looked less like he was a drunken Toon and more of a performer. He mouthed the words and danced around as though he had practiced the routine for months. Porky noticed the crowd grow as the act continued. He assumed most of the patrons were starting to realize just who was entertaining them. 

More cheers, hoots and hollers rang out in the lounge as Bugs waved to the crowd. It was like he hadn’t lost his step. He felt electrified by the crowd and empowered by the overwhelming attention. This was something he never felt while doing stand-up or even on set. Bugs loved the stage and felt the audience loved him. He felt like he belonged. 

Which was why Bugs felt a certain emptiness when the crescendo stopped and the music ended. Bugs walked off stage and began to walk towards where Porky was seated. Porky watched as other Toons stopped him to take photos and selfies. He waited patiently until Bugs was able to sit down. 

“What’d ya think of dat?!” Bugs asked, sitting back in his chair with a grin on his face. 

“It- it was interesting, that’s for sure,” Porky said. 

“I’m tellin’ ya, dat was exhilaratin’. I could really get used to it,” Bugs told Porky.

“Wh- what made you decide on the R- Red Hot Riding Hood act?” Porky asked.

Bugs leaned closer over the table, “I caught sight of Tex at his table before we went backstage. Can you believe the look he’s got?” he commented. 

“Ye- yeah, it’s almost like we n- never left the forties.” Porky commented back. 

Bugs looked behind towards Wally and wiggled his eyebrows slightly, “And it looks to me like he’s still swingin’... swingin’ both ways, that is,” he winked at Porky. 

“...Are- are you telling me you actually w- wanted his attention?” Porky asked, feeling his cheeks heat up. 

“Oh don’t sound so surprised, Porky. I’m an emotionally vulnerable, drunk Toon with needs. Tex is a perfect candidate. Unless you’re offerin’?” Bugs asked, leaning more on the table so his cleavage was shamelessly, blatantly on display.

Porky tried to look everywhere but his friend’s breasts. “Nuh- nuh- No thank you,” he said. 

Bugs sat up and rolled his eyes, “You’re the straightest every-man I’ve ever met, Porky. Still, thanks for stickin’ wit’ me for tonight,” he said with a soft smile.

“Y- you sure you’ll be okay?” Porky asked, watching Tex stand up from his seat and begin to slowly walk over. He noticed Tex had left his nameless compatriots behind while he stalked closer towards their table.

“I maybe a gay virgin, but this still ain’t my first rodeo. Besides, has there eva been a Toon dat I couldn’t handle?” Bugs asked.

Porky still didn’t feel overly enthusiastic about his close friend being sized-up by a shifty wolf-type character. Especially considering how plastered they were. Still, Bugs was his own person. “If you run into any trouble…” Porky said, standing up. 

“I gotcha on speed dial. Don’t worry about it,” Bugs finished with a wink. 

At present, Bugs stopped his storytelling right when he saw Yakko’s head fall into his hands. “I… I said too much, didn’t I?” Bugs asked, his face stinging from a blush.

After a second, Yakko looked up at Bugs, “No, no… I’m just… trying to process this,” he said.

“I mean, is it really all dat surprising?” Bugs asked. 

“You bein’ gay? No, not really. You spendin’ your Saturday nights at a gay club to perform dance numbers in drag? With other A-listers and the like? Absolutely,” Yakko said plainly. 

“Yeah well my time dere will end soon enough. Don’t think most folks would be too keen on knowin’ the principle of their kids’ school does drag shows on the weekends,” Bugs said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

“That’s probably a good move. Still, what I wouldn’t give to see you perform…” Yakko said.

“So ya can blackmail me? No thanks.” 

The two of them looked into each other’s eyes for a beat and then broke down into laughter. Then Yakko looked at his empty plate and gave a small sigh. “Listen, Bugs, I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for my sibs and I…”

“But…”

“But being on our own is all we’ve known. I can take care of them just fine, honest. All I really needed was a job or two and a place to stay. I’ve almost saved up enough for five months worth of rent!” Yakko proclaimed. 

“And I’m proud of ya, honest,” Bugs told Yakko, “I don’t know why you thought you had to keep dat a secret from me.” 

“Because I thought you wouldn’t approve, or throw us out, I don't know,” Yakko said. 

The truth of the matter was Yakko felt like he was being suffocated. Despite the certain freedoms that came while they stayed with Bugs, he still felt encroached upon. Worse than that, he felt as though it was easy for older Toons to dismiss the three because of how young they appeared to be. Getting a job was his way of earning some respect. 

“Yak, I’m tryin’ to help you,” Bugs said as he shook his head, “And if y’all really want to move out, I’ll help ya guys out.” 

“Okay, fine. You help us move out and then I’ll reconsider the whole adoption thing,” Yakko said. It was a blatant lie but it was clear this time he might need him to help convince his siblings to stay with him rather than Bugs.

“Alright then,” Bugs said in a definitive voice, “Now let’s head out before Daff and your sibs burn the house down.” 

The ride back to the house had been a lot more peaceful after the two had reached a certain understanding. Even though it wasn’t what Bugs had expected things to go, in his mind, he at least had a chance to become the parental guardian that the Warners needed. 

When the two crossed the threshold of the house, Bugs noted a few things that were different than when he had left. For one, the house had an alluring smell of freshly baked pizza rolls and everything was strangely dark save for a dim light coming from the living room. 

“Daff?” Bugs called out. 

“In here,” the duck called back. 

Bugs and Yakko drew closer to the living room and noticed how the space was entirely covered in blankets and bed sheets. A fort had been made in their absence. At the sight of it, Bugs caught Yakko’s face as it lit up with unadulterated glee. On the sheets they could see large shadows of Daffy, Dot and Wakko. Bugs assumed they had stolen a few good light sources from around the house just to illuminate the inside.

Immediately, Yakko fell to his knees and tried to find an entrance, but was interrupted by his brother. “Ah! Not unless you can guess the password,” Wakko said in a sing-song voice. 

“Lemme guess, gookie?” Yakko asked with a huge grin on his face. 

“I told you it would be too easy for ‘im, Wakko!” Dot cried out. 

Bugs chuckled to himself as he watched Wakko reluctantly, yet happily, allow Yakko inside their fort. “If I could, I’d like to borrow Daffy for a mo?” he asked. 

“Oh alright. Hey! Leave some of those pizza rolls for when I get back, huh?” Daffy asked before shuffling out from the sheets. 

“No promises, Daffy,” Yakko said cheerfully, as he visibly popped a pizza roll inside his mouth using his silhouette to show the action to Daffy. 

“Punk.”

Bugs gestured for Daffy to follow him out the back door. The moment the glass door shut, Daffy looked at Bugs. “If this is about the school stuff, I promise I’m gonna start coming up with some ideas soon I just—“ he began. 

“Whoa dere, Daff, slow down. I just had a whole day with the kids, you too, I wasn’t expectin’ you to write a whole curriculum while I was out,” Bugs told him. 

“Oh… so what’s this about?” Daffy asked.

“To tell ya the truth, I wanted to give the kids their space…” Bugs trailed as he pulled up a chair from the patio dining table. 

Daffy mirrored Bugs and sat across from him. “Ah… a lot to discuss, I take it?”

“More than you know…” thus Bugs began to tell Daffy about what Yakko had been up to. The more he painted the picture, the more Daffy’s look changed from curiosity to annoyance. 

“Why that no-good, ungrateful little monster…” Daffy started, feeling offended on Bugs’ behalf. 

Bugs had to admit, it was a little admirable that Daffy would react in such a way. Still, he had a feeling that it came from a place of jealousy and possessiveness rather than a sense of justice. Still, he defended Yakko, “It’s like I said before, Yakko’s jus’ fiercely independent. I mean, he’s had to fend for himself and his sibs for god knows how long… I’m jus’ hopin’ he’ll come around.” 

“You mean you’re actually gonna bank adopting those other two on that damaged kid?” Daffy asked, bewildered by Bugs’ decision. 

Now it was Bugs’ turn to be offended, “Daff, this ain’t the supermarket. I can’t pick and choose. They need to be together and because of that they need to make a collective choice.” 

“Okay, alright…”

“Technically, in the state of California they’re old enough to need to consent. And because Yakko’s the oldest, he gets the last word,” Bugs explained further.

“Okay I get it Bugs,” Daffy said, raising his hands in defense. It was more apparent to Daffy than ever just how much each of these kids meant to Bugs. 

Bugs recognized how heated he became, so he took in a breath to calm himself down, “I’m… Daff, I’m sorry I just really want this to work out.”

“I get it. You love ‘em and you’re just worried you won’t be able to be their official dad,” Daffy reiterated, “I don’t know what I can do to help, but I’ll be here.”

Hearing that caught Bugs totally off guard. He felt as though a weight had been lifted in that moment. A soft smile curled on his lips, “Thanks, Daff,” he said. 

Inside the house and under the Warner’s fort, Dot was shooting Yakko daggers with her eyes the moment Daffy and Bugs had left them to their own devices. 

“Look, sibs, aaahh… I’m sorry, okay?” Yakko said.

“About which part?” Dot asked, “Lying to us, or that we won’t get adopted?”

Yakko sighed, “Both, okay?” 

Wakko looked absolutely crest-fallen, “We’re not getting adopted by Dad?” 

“Don’t call him that,” Yakko snapped. 

“He said I could,” Wakko said in a sad tone. 

“Fine,” Yakko said as he ran a hand down his face and sighed, “Okay, I’m gonna tell you what I told Bugs. I said that if he helps us move out, I’d reconsider the adoption.” 

Dot and Wakko shared a glance. On the surface, it seemed like a good idea but they both had their doubts. Still, they knew there wasn’t a whole lot they could do. 

“This way, we have more time to think things over. It’ll be good for all of us, trust me,” Yakko said. 

Right then, Dot realized that more time might mean more chances to convince Yakko just how much they needed to stay with Bugs. If Yakko was going to continue to play this con, she would retaliate. “Sure thing, Yakko,” Dot said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this diverged a bit in the middle with Bugs and Porky… but I had some scenes that I wanted to work in to introduce certain concepts and I didn’t know how/when/where else to do it. I will admit I went a little ham (no pun intended). Regardless, I hope you enjoy all the lil cameos and the storytelling. A major thanks to theravingredhead for going through this chapter and making sure everything was tasteful!
> 
> After writing this chapter I’ve decided I should be looking for a beta-reader. I’d prefer someone with experience, but I’ll take what I can get. Feel free to send a DM on tumblr @ anna-mator


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